Called To Serve

Sunday afternoon Kent and I attended a worldwide Church training all about missionary work.  It was a wonderful meeting, rich in spirit and direction, thought-provoking and inspiring.  It made me think a lot about my mission, why I went, those I met, the good I might or might not have done.  In a way, my mission experience feels like a life-time ago, almost like it happened to a different person.  I suppose in a way I was a different person.  There were times during the eighteen months I served that I wanted to be almost anywhere else.  It was hard to be out trying to share my testimony, especially when I often felt no one really cared to hear anything I said.  I think France and Switzerland remain difficult places to do missionary work.  There is a lot of apathy towards God and religion and seemingly few people really searching for spiritual nourishment.

There were, however, other times when I felt caught up in the work, willing to give my all forever if necessary, to see the Church grow as I shared the gospel.  I felt powerful, full of the spirit, and "on fire" to use a missionary term.  It was good.  And looking back, it still feels good.  While I didn't see huge success numbers wise, I know I made a difference in the lives of at least one or two people.

Sunday's meeting stirred up those missionary feelings again.  I want to get out there and wear a badge and represent Christ and the Church again.  Thing is, I have young children at home.  Blythe is five which means the soonest Kent and I could be out serving as a couple is another fifteen years.  And if I was being honest, I would confess that I don't really want to serve a proselyting mission, I want to do humanitarian stuff, or work in a temple somewhere, or almost anything other than knock on doors and try to find people to teach.

The great thing about this meeting, however, if that it is readily acknowledged that door knocking is super ineffective.  We shouldn't be doing it.  Instead, we should be looking to our friends and neighbors who don't have the gospel and seeking ways to invite them to learn more.  Several of the fantastic videos shown made it look so easy.  I do have a slight problem, however.  I live in Provo, Utah in a ward that geographically holds two non-member families.  That's right.  Two.  And one of those families used to be members but have joined another church and had their names removed from the rolls of the Church.  Not much work to do here.

However, there is a new family that has just moved into the ward with two Primary aged children, and they are not active.  Their daughter was in Brandt's class last year and had a little crush on him.  When I went over last week to introduce myself, the mom, Kim, told me, "We're not super active.  If we go to church on Sunday, great.  If not, no big deal.  We're pretty cazh."  I have thought about that all week.  It has bothered me.  Now is not the time to be casual about one's eternal salvation.  I worry all the time about my children developing a strong testimony and remaining faithful to the gospel, and Kent and I are doing all the right things to insure our children will be active.

As I sat through the meeting, I thought about this family a lot and what I might do to involve, embrace, and invite them to participate.  As the Primary president, I have been called to serve the children in our ward and by extension, their families too.  I don't need a badge, I don't need to travel to a foreign country, or even leave my home.  Right here in Provo, Utah, I can be a missionary.  And I intend to share my testimony as I have opportunity.

Achieving Perfection

I work in Primary.  I love it.  I love being with the children and feeling their spirit and hearing them bear their testimony through song.  Plus my kids are there and I get to be with them and see them participate in the gospel.  It is often the highlight of my week.  Being in Primary, however, means that I don't get to hear the Sunday School and Relief Society lessons.  So in my personal study, I have been reading the Teachings of Presidents of the Church lessons from Lorenzo Snow.

Yesterday, I read the chapter entitled "Becoming Perfect before the Lord: 'A Little Better Day by Day.'"  It was wonderfully encouraging.  The commandment to "be perfect" as Jesus was is certainly daunting, especially as I feel I fall far short in so many areas of my life.  I can pat myself on the back that I am perfect at paying my tithing, but as far as other commandments go, I need work, and lots of it.  President Snow, however, made it seem that perfection is possible.  He said,

Do not expect to become perfect at once.  If you do, you will be disappointed.  Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you are today.  The temptations that perhaps partially overcome us today, let them not overcome us so far tomorrow.  Thus continue to be a little better day by day; and do not let your life wear away without accomplishing good to others as well as to ourselves.

I appreciate that President Snow recognizes that temptations will overcome us, and encourages us to not let them "overcome us so far tomorrow."  By being a little better day by day, I can get there.  I have been working hard since the beginning of the year to control my anger towards and impatience with the children.  I have sincerely asked for help from Heavenly Father, I have been searching for ways to better parent, and I have been trying to be more conscious of what sort of spirit I am inviting into our home through my actions.  I feel that I have been helped and blessed in my efforts, and while not perfect, I am getting a little better day by day.  It gives me hope that I can do it.

Resolution

Do you think one is more likely to try and keep a resolution if someone else knows about it?  I'm not really one to jump on the new year's resolution bandwagon, mostly because I think if I need to make improvements or changes in my personal life, I should start, whenever.  But with the end of a year and the beginning of another, I have found myself reflecting on my behavior over the past twelve months, and I see areas that need improvement.  Some are deeply personal and I'm unwilling to write about them, even though likely only three people read this blog.  But there are others I am willing to record for the purpose of making myself accountable in some way, I guess to you three readers.  So here they are--my new year's resolutions.

• Do two things every day: pray and study the scriptures.  I have lots of thoughts about these two activities, but they fall into the deeply personal category.  I do want to try and read the Book of Mormon once a quarter, four times this year, and hope for great personal improvements through my efforts. 
• Do two other things at least five times a week: exercise and practice the piano.  The exercising goal is unrelated to weight loss, I just want to be moving more.  I began taking piano lessons in February, three decades after my last lesson.  I like being able to play better, and I really want to make marked improvement this year.  How is that going to happen?  Practice, practice, practice!
• I want to perform an act of service for someone else every day.  Is that possible?  I know I serve my family every day, but I want it to be something more than the everyday.
• I wanted to set a goal to have all of my personal reading be non-fiction, but I'm not sure why.  I like to set a reading goal each year, and I do like non-fiction, but we got several fun works of fiction for Christmas, and I don't really think I want to wait a whole year to read them just because of some silly goal.  So maybe I'll try and read as much non-fiction as fiction.
• I want to use my time more wisely.  I have more time without the children because of school, and I don't want to fritter it away with fluff.  I want to be involved in more significant activities which certainly dovetails nicely with my desire to serve more.  I also want to attend the temple more frequently.  

So there I am.  Will one of you three readers ask me occasionally how I'm doing?  Ask to hear my current piano piece, or what I've learned this week from my Book of Mormon reading, or what good I've done in the world today?  I'll do the same for you.

Purse Contents

I needed a pen out of my purse today and realized it is crammed full of stuff that doesn't need to be there.  I had to hunt around to find the pen.  So I am cleaning out the purse, and recording, just for fun, the complete contents before paring down.

• Camera case, but no camera.  That is sitting on the couch where I left it this afternoon after a different blog post.
• Two bottles of hand sanitizer, one practically empty, the other half full.  I will throw away the empty.
• Wallet, whose contents I will not bother with.
• Fifteen receipts that need to be put in the receipt cubby of the desk.
• The Hobbit, in my purse because I am reading it out loud to Brandt, and I took it with us when we went to the doctor day before yesterday.  I read while we waited.  Bilbo has just met Gollum!  That will go upstairs to Brandt's room.
• Checkbook
• Two partially used packages of Kleenex.  I will combine them and return the one package to my purse.
• One travel size, half full bottle of orange scented lotion.
• Two movie tickets to Skyfall.  Kent and I saw that this afternoon.  That Daniel Craig is yummy!  He's the Bond for me.
• Directions to the wedding reception for our niece Jordan who was married a week ago.  She was a beautiful bride, it was fun to be with family, and our dinner was lovely.
• One small fabric bound accordion file for coupons.
• One empty Ziploc bag not going back in the purse.
• One mini calculator that Blythe uses as a phone.
• One checkbook size rice paper zippered bag that holds "supplies" when necessary.  Not necessary this week, but was last week.  That will go live on the desk until needed again.
• One Swiss Army knife purchased while on my mission in Switzerland.  It goes with me everywhere (except when I fly) and I have cause to use it frequently.
• Four pencils, none of which will go back in the purse.  One of them, a Santa pencil, has not been sharpened.
• Glasses in hard case.
• Lipstick in hard case and lipstick brush, necessary because someone opened it all the way with the lid still on, so all the lipstick is in the lid.
• Two AA batteries, probably dead.  I'll need to test them and then (likely) throw them away.
• Two paperclips, one large, one small.
• Two erasers, fallen off the pencils.
• One CTR ring (Brandt's).
• One cherry Chapstick.
• Set of keys to my in-laws house and car.
• Small tube of bubbles from the wedding reception last week.
• One pen.  Only one.  Considering all the other stuff, is it any wonder I had a hard time finding it?

Adoption

Recently I was having a discussion with Brandt and Blythe about pregnancy.  My sister is pregnant and we were talking about the baby growing in her tummy.  Blythe said, "Mom, did I come out of your tummy?"

"Nope," I replied.  "You are adopted, remember?  That is because I haven't been able to have a baby, so you were never in my tummy."

This naturally led to the next question.  "Whose tummy was I in?"

From the beginning of our parenting, Kent and I have been open with our children about their adoption.  We have spoken of how happy we were to welcome them into our home and to have them sealed to us.  We have a picture of all of us dressed in white outside the temple on Blythe's sealing day in each of their bedrooms, and we talk about their sealing days often as we drive past the temple.  There is no secret about how they joined our family, and we are committed to being open and honest with our kids about their personal history as it relates to their origins.

So when Blythe asked, I told her.  "You were in Key Bug's tummy."  Key Bug is what Blythe calls her birthmom, Keyaira.  Brandt followed up with the question, "Was I in Key Bug's tummy too?"

"No," I said, "you were in Jamie's tummy."  For Brandt, that was enough information.  He was probably about four when he first asked me this question, and I had answered the same way then.  For him, Jamie is a name and nothing more.  She has never been part of his life, and although she has visited with us once, Brandt was too young to remember and saw her simply as someone I knew who came for a visit.  At this point in his life, he is not interested in his origins.

The same can not be said of Blythe.  She is a thinker and this issue, where she came from and why she is with us, is deeply important to her.  I know this because the first question, "Whose tummy was I in?" has been followed by many others.  Key Bug remains part of our lives.  When she is clean and doing well, we see her with some regularity.  When she is using, we don't see her, but Blythe talks about her and asks to call her and wants to know what is going on with her.  We are supportive of Blythe maintaining a relationship with Keyaira because that is important to her.  Blythe was 14 months when she came to live with us, and although she doesn't remember her time with Keyaira, she knows Keyaira loves her.  We regularly see Keyaira's parents, Grandma Dawn and Papa Scott, as well as Keyaira's other children, McKenna and Greyson whom Scott and Dawn have adopted.

The tummy question has led to other questions: Why did you and Dad adopt me?  Why is Brandt my brother?  Why doesn't Key Bug live with us?  Who takes care of Key Bug?  Where does Key Bug live?

Kent told Blythe about Key Bug's drug use on a day when Key Bug had arranged to come for a visit and then didn't show up.  I like to arrange those visits directly with Keyaira.  I don't tell the children she is coming because too often she doesn't show up.  On the Sunday she was expected and Blythe knew she was supposed to come, I heard all afternoon, "Mom, when is Key Bug coming?"  Then, when she didn't come, we were left without a good response.  It had been drug awareness, Say No To Drugs week at school for both the children, so Kent explained simply but honestly about Keyaira's drug use, and that because of it, she sometimes did things that made other people sad.

Again, our little thinker had lots of questions for me, and with much compassion and sensitivity, and something of a struggle to explain to a four year old about the sad circumstances surrounding drug use, I told her about Key Bug.  I know that this has weighed on her mind because since our initial talk, we have spoken about this issue many times.  Every few days Blythe bring up something about adoption and family and drugs and we talk.  She was with Grandma Dawn yesterday and grilled her with questions too.  I hadn't prepared Dawn, she didn't know all Blythe knew, so she was feeling a bit pressed.

I will admit that I didn't think I would be having these discussions with our kids for a few more years.  As I said, Brandt has not had a follow-up question since I told him he came out of Jamie's tummy, so I sort of figured it would end there with Blythe too.  I guess it is good to start answering questions early on so that there is no sense of mystery or confusion and so that Blythe is comfortable with who she is and where she fits.  I hope I am doing a good job answering her questions.

The Invention of Hugo Cabret

I took Blythe to the library last week for story time.  She is in big story time now, so I have 25 minutes to be by myself during which I usually find new books, check them out, and then read.  I forgot my book, but as I walked past the Caldecott section, The Invention of Hugo Cabret caught my eye, mostly because of its size--it is 500+ pages.  How could a Caldecott book be so long?  It was also released as a movie recently and I thought the movie looked good, so I checked it out and began reading.  

I finished it the same day.  The 500+ pages are deceiving because many of them contain pictures with no text.  You sometimes turn eight or ten pages at a time without reading anything.  I thought it was a wonderfully fanciful way to move the story along without having to explain through the text what is happening.  Brian Selznick, the author, said, "the images in my new book don't just illustrate the story; they help tell it."  

Hugo's story is very engaging.  Set in Paris in the 1930s, Hugo lives in a train station and is responsible for the care of the 27 clocks throughout the building.  He is trying to rebuild an automaton and steals small toys to get the parts he needs.  He is eventually caught, makes a friend or two, and through the automaton, makes an unusual and historic discovery.

I really liked this book.  I liked it so much I began reading it to Brandt on Friday before bed.  We read for nearly 40 minutes and well past Brandt's bedtime.  Saturday night we did the same, and Sunday night as well.  Brandt is totally into the story, wants to know what happens next, and has lots of questions about how things will unfold.  I suppose it helps that the main character is a boy, the boy has a mechanical man, and he lives in a train station.  I love reading it out loud to him, and watching him study the pictures as they move us along through the story.  

This is definitely a book I would recommend, especially for those with boy children of almost any age.  I know the movie is now available on DVD because I have seen it at Redbox, and so we will watch it after we have finished reading.  There is enough detail in the written story, however, to capture the imagination.

The Hundred-Foot Journey

I got this book, The Hundred-Foot Journey by Richard C. Morais, for Christmas.  Kent asked his sister Brenda for a novel suggestion (not as in "new" but as in "fiction") and this is what she recommended.  I have been reading various other things since Christmas, but I picked it up at the beginning of the week and finished it this morning as I rode my bike.

This is a great book.  It is the story of an Indian boy, Hassan Haji, whose family is in the restaurant business in Mumbai.  A tragedy at home pushes Hassan's family out of the Indian, across Europe, until they finally settle in a remote village in France in a house across the street from a famous restaurant run by a formidable woman chef.  Quoting from the author's web site, "After a series of hilarious cultural mishaps, the grand French chef discovers, much to her horror, that the young boy cooking in the cheap Indian restaurant across the way is a chef with natural talents far superior to her own."  She eventually takes him on as a pupil, and so begins his journey to culinary greatness.  

The descriptions of food throughout the book are yummy.  It made me hungry for Indian food, which I made on Monday, just to satisfy my cravings, hungry for French food, hungry for food.  Morais does a fine job evoking a sense of place, capturing the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of a place.  The characters are believable and likable and I found myself rooting for Hassan, the protagonist.  I just liked this book and would highly recommend it.  

But don't read it when you're hungry.