I had two experiences last week that I wanted to record, and as it is much faster to type rather than write, I'm going to use this space.
Wednesday morning, about 4am, I had a dream. I was traveling with my kids and my mom and some of Blythe's little friends. We were driving over a high mountain pass in the snowy cold and stopped near the summit of the mountain. We got out, and as we were walking around, Blythe's friend Kassi tripped and hurt her ankle. I called her mom to come meet us, and after some time waiting, making no progress on our journey and really just killing time, Kassi's parents arrived. I wanted to get on the road and told my mom we needed to get back in the car and be on our way since Kassi was being taken care of. She didn't feel like she could go, but I was tired of waiting and exhausted physically and just wanted to be home. So I got in the car and drove away.
As I got down into the valley, I realized I didn't know where I was. The surroundings reminded me of Spain, but as I was driving, I knew I couldn't be there. I passed a small information office, and stopped to ask for directions. When I went into the office, the man at the desk and I had a very difficult time understanding each other. I kept telling him I needed to know the way home, and he kept acting like he didn't understand anything I was saying. I was trying to show him on a map where I needed to be, but I didn't know exactly where I was, so I couldn't orient myself.
Suddenly, next to me, my father appeared. He didn't speak to me. In fact, it was as if he was ignoring me. I said, "Dad! What are you doing here?" but he didn't respond. He sort of bustled around the office and then walked over next to the man I was trying to get directions from. Miraculously, the man suddenly comprehended what I needed and gave me clear and concise directions of how to get home. He showed me on the map, pointed the routes I was to take, and encouraged me on my way. When he was done and it was obvious I knew what I needed, Dad bustled out of the office. Again, he didn't say anything to me and I desperately wanted a hug from him, but I knew that he had made my communications with the man at the desk possible. He knew how much I wanted to go home and eased my way.
I woke crying and realized that Dad is involved in my life. I can't see him or talk to him or hug him, but he wants to make sure I get home and is working from the other side of the veil to insure that happens. He is easing my way and I felt that so profoundly as I woke from my dream.
The following day, Thursday, I went to the temple just after dropping the kids off at school. I have been going on Wednesdays since school started, but I wasn't able to go then last week, and changed my day. Aunt Georgianne works at the temple on Thursdays, and when I was going on Thursdays, I would see her all the time. She was the initiatory coordinator, so I was always able to say hello and give/get a hug. Although I was doing initiatory, positions have changed and I didn't see her when I went in. I waited on the bench for just a moment, and was then taken into a booth randomly. Well, not so randomly as it turns out. I was washed, and then out of anointing came Georgianne to seal my washing. We were both surprised to see each other, and I stood and gave her a hug. She performed the ordinance and then we went into the anointing booth together. She was very emotional, hardly able to speak as she performed the ordinance. She then came into clothing with me as it was time to change places. She and I were both very touched by the spirit as she finished off, both of us crying.
It was wonderful to be in initiatory with my favorite auntie. I love the blessing promised during each stage of initiatory, and to hear them pronounced upon my head by someone I love and that I know loves me was very powerful. It made me think of Grandma Hare. Before we had Brandt, I would go to the temple on Thursday mornings with Georgianne and Grandma Hare and Aunt Beth (until her death) and sometimes Jackie. I know Grandma Hare is busy on the other side of the veil, and I believe she is probably helping with temple work from her side. I thought about Grandma Barnes, another active and energetic soul, and can imagine her doing temple work too. It was just so moving to be there with family doing such critical work that brings about the binding of families forever.
And I cried, too, because Georgianne has daughters she loves even more than she loves me, and she can't go to the temple with any of them. She's done everything right as a parent, and yet all but one of her eight children have left the church and don't participate anymore at all. I keenly felt that loss and imagine she was thinking about it too. But there is hope, too, that comes from temple covenants. All of Georgianne's children have been sealed to her, and her righteousness and obedience help insure that her children will be hers for eternity. Hope is a wonderful thing.
I was so grateful for both of these experiences, tender reminders of the eternal nature of families, and the love our Father in Heaven, as our father, has for us. I rejoice in my sealing to Kent and the sealing of our children to us, and to know that I and we are linked to those we love very most forever.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Dishes
When, after four years, I was released as the Primary president, I was put into Young Women as the assistant laurel adviser. I am now in charge of personal progress for the laurels. I decided to restart personal progress myself at the beginning of the year, not only so that I would be current with what the girls should be working on, but because personal improvement can never go amiss.
I started in January and quickly realized that personal progress really prepares a young woman for life as an active Latter-day Saint woman. So much of what the girls are expected to do as they work on and complete value experiences and projects are things I am doing right now as a wife, mother, and member of the Church. Many of the experiences are designed to help strengthen testimony and prepare for the temple and establish good patterns that will serve the girls well into their adulthood. Others help develop talents and learn important homemaking skills like cooking, cleaning, and organizing. I had forgotten how applicable everything is.
Here is an example. In Good Works, a girl is to help plan family meals, obtain food, and prepare part of the meals for two weeks. Since January, I have fulfilled this requirement sixteen times. I plan meals, obtain food, and prepare meals practically every night. It is something I do every single day. What a great skill to have a young woman work to develop. One of the choice and accountability experiences is about budgeting and learning to prioritize needs over wants. Again, so applicable to what I'm doing right now in my life.
I mention all of this because of a value experience I am working on this month. I started today. Good works experience five has you read three verses in D&C 58 about being anxiously engaged in a good cause. Then, you are to "develop a pattern of service in your life by choosing a family member you can help. Serve that person for at least a month." Last night, as Kent and I were cleaning the kitchen, I apologized for once again putting dishes in the sink throughout the day without putting them in the sink, leaving the dishwasher half full, and not filling it up and running it, creating even a larger mess to contend with at the end of the day. For some reason, I am really not good at just sticking breakfast and lunch dishes in the dishwasher. I let them pile up and my husband is almost always the one who deals with them at the end of the day. So last night I committed to him that for the next thirty days, my pattern to develop would be to deal with the dishes immediately and not let them pile up in the sink, thereby choosing him as the family member to serve. I have put it a little yellow (for good works) piece of paper with GW5 on it, as a reminder to me to do my good works value experience number five and keep the kitchen cleaner.
I am happy to report, at the end of day one, all is well. I loaded the dishwasher and did all the dishes before I sat down to write this, and I hope to be as diligent throughout the month (and beyond).
Wish me luck for continued resolve.
I started in January and quickly realized that personal progress really prepares a young woman for life as an active Latter-day Saint woman. So much of what the girls are expected to do as they work on and complete value experiences and projects are things I am doing right now as a wife, mother, and member of the Church. Many of the experiences are designed to help strengthen testimony and prepare for the temple and establish good patterns that will serve the girls well into their adulthood. Others help develop talents and learn important homemaking skills like cooking, cleaning, and organizing. I had forgotten how applicable everything is.
Here is an example. In Good Works, a girl is to help plan family meals, obtain food, and prepare part of the meals for two weeks. Since January, I have fulfilled this requirement sixteen times. I plan meals, obtain food, and prepare meals practically every night. It is something I do every single day. What a great skill to have a young woman work to develop. One of the choice and accountability experiences is about budgeting and learning to prioritize needs over wants. Again, so applicable to what I'm doing right now in my life.
I mention all of this because of a value experience I am working on this month. I started today. Good works experience five has you read three verses in D&C 58 about being anxiously engaged in a good cause. Then, you are to "develop a pattern of service in your life by choosing a family member you can help. Serve that person for at least a month." Last night, as Kent and I were cleaning the kitchen, I apologized for once again putting dishes in the sink throughout the day without putting them in the sink, leaving the dishwasher half full, and not filling it up and running it, creating even a larger mess to contend with at the end of the day. For some reason, I am really not good at just sticking breakfast and lunch dishes in the dishwasher. I let them pile up and my husband is almost always the one who deals with them at the end of the day. So last night I committed to him that for the next thirty days, my pattern to develop would be to deal with the dishes immediately and not let them pile up in the sink, thereby choosing him as the family member to serve. I have put it a little yellow (for good works) piece of paper with GW5 on it, as a reminder to me to do my good works value experience number five and keep the kitchen cleaner.
I am happy to report, at the end of day one, all is well. I loaded the dishwasher and did all the dishes before I sat down to write this, and I hope to be as diligent throughout the month (and beyond).
Wish me luck for continued resolve.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Real Mom
Tonight, yet again, during an argument with Blythe, she said, "You're not my real mom." Her implication was that I don't love her. While logically I know that Blythe doesn't really understand, and I tell myself not to let that particular sentence bother me, when she says it, it's like a knife to the heart. It wounds me over and over again, because for Blythe, once is never enough. She doesn't understand the absolutely horrible situation from which she was plucked by DCFS before she came to our home. She doesn't understand that her "real" mom can't take care of herself much less Blythe and her "birth family" she talks about all the time. She doesn't understand how unsafe, unhealthy, and unstable her life would be if she was with Key Bug. She just doesn't understand and I can't and won't explain it to her because she is too young. But because we have always been open with the children about being adopted, and always answered Blythe's questions honestly, she knows enough to know that there was another possibility for her life. So when things are not going as she would like, like when I insist she clean her room, or yell at her (which I shouldn't do) for being a brat (which I shouldn't call her) during family home evening, or when she somehow feels life is unfair, she pulls out and plays the very hurtful "You're not my real mom" card.
How will we work through this? How will I learn to deal with it better? Blythe is adopted and we can't change that. I can't tell her to go live with her birth mom if she thinks it would be so much better. I can't change who she is or where she came from. I don't want her to draw pictures of her "birth family," a picture with a mom, two daughters, and a son, and then have to say how much I like her artwork. I don't want to have to accommodate an addict "mom" stopping by when she's having a sober moment for a play date. I don't want to have my daughter throw it in my face every time she's unhappy with me that I'm not her "real" mom, especially when the person she thinks that is never has to deal with our difficult and headstrong child. If I have to suffer and struggle through the constant challenge of raising Blythe, I want to at least get billing as "The Mom."
Several months ago I read a book about an adopted daughter. She is unhappy with her mother but adores her father. After she leaves for college, she receives a grant to go do research in India where she was born. While there, she meets and interviews many women about their life experiences. She comes to see how good her life has been and how fortunate she was to be adopted. I thought of my Blythe as I read it. She has no idea what her life could be like, and I don't want her to know. But I hope that Blythe will come to see that as a parent, I'm not all bad. I'm not as evil as she thinks I am. I love her, I'm here for her all the time, I am her real mom. And I hope it doesn't take until she's left our home for her to figure it out. But I should probably accept that it will very likely take that long and prepare to have my heart wounded over and over again.
How will we work through this? How will I learn to deal with it better? Blythe is adopted and we can't change that. I can't tell her to go live with her birth mom if she thinks it would be so much better. I can't change who she is or where she came from. I don't want her to draw pictures of her "birth family," a picture with a mom, two daughters, and a son, and then have to say how much I like her artwork. I don't want to have to accommodate an addict "mom" stopping by when she's having a sober moment for a play date. I don't want to have my daughter throw it in my face every time she's unhappy with me that I'm not her "real" mom, especially when the person she thinks that is never has to deal with our difficult and headstrong child. If I have to suffer and struggle through the constant challenge of raising Blythe, I want to at least get billing as "The Mom."
Several months ago I read a book about an adopted daughter. She is unhappy with her mother but adores her father. After she leaves for college, she receives a grant to go do research in India where she was born. While there, she meets and interviews many women about their life experiences. She comes to see how good her life has been and how fortunate she was to be adopted. I thought of my Blythe as I read it. She has no idea what her life could be like, and I don't want her to know. But I hope that Blythe will come to see that as a parent, I'm not all bad. I'm not as evil as she thinks I am. I love her, I'm here for her all the time, I am her real mom. And I hope it doesn't take until she's left our home for her to figure it out. But I should probably accept that it will very likely take that long and prepare to have my heart wounded over and over again.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Twelve Days of Coming Unto Christ--Day 4
Come unto Christ by using the gift of REPENTANCE.
Repentance is truly a gift. I look at my life and I shudder sometimes at how horribly I fall short of worthiness to return to Heavenly Father. In so many ways I have not got it figured out. I struggle daily in my efforts to follow Christ even though I know I am happier and spiritually healthier when I do follow Him, and that life goes better when I am doing what I should.
Today we were to identify a sin we wanted to repent of, write it on a small piece of paper, and enclose it in an ornament we could hang on the Christmas tree. In addition to the sin, we were to include ways the Savior can help us accomplish our goal of repenting. I won't share the sin I wrote down. I'm not emotionally prepared to go shouting my sins from the rooftops, especially as concerns the sin I wish to rid myself of.
Two scriptural passages to read today, D&C 64:1-11, and the story of Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah in Mosiah 27:1-28:9. In D&C the Lord says, "I . . . forgive sins unto those who confess their sins before me and ask forgiveness." Doesn't that seem so simple? Confess and be forgiven. If only it were that easy. I know that there must be some forsaking in there too, the giving up of that wrong we sometimes cling to. I know as regards my particular sin, I allow my perceptions and prejudices and largely my impatience play too great a role in my behavior. My sin is in regards to a member of my family, and I let my behavior sour my relationship with this person when, deep down, I really want there to be peace and harmony and love. Yet I seem unable to make the critical change in myself that will knit us closer together and make me better. Why don't I find that easier than it seems to be? Why do I continue to behave abominably? Why do I allow myself to sin when sinning only brings about, as Alma the younger describes in Mosiah 27 as "teh gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity?" I sometimes feel as if I am racked with eternal torment.
It occurred to me today that the rack was a horrible torture device upon which a person was tied at the hands and ankles and then pulled in opposite directions. Sometimes I think I am torturing myself and those I love with my sinful actions. I write that and it sounds like I am really doing awful things. I don't think I am, all the time at any rate. But too often I am weak and let frustration, fatigue, or something else control my behavior when I really want to act in love, kindness, and the spirit of Christ.
I want to repent, to be born again, to be redeemed of God. I want to be worthy to be called His daughter and to inherit the kingdom. Alma said, however, that he had to wade through "much tribulation, repenting nigh unto death" before the Lord snatched him from an everlasting burning. In truth, I am not sinning like Alma was, I'm not leading souls to their spiritual death. But I also don't feel justified in saying, "Well, I'm not as bad as he was/is. I'm better than that." I am still imperfect; there is much room for improvement.
So today I put my sin in the ornament, and I am going to pray for forgiveness and help for improvement. And I'm going to remember that forgiveness brings joy and light. Like Lamoni's father, I want to give away all my sins to know God that I might be raised from the dead and be saved at the last day (Alma 22:18).
Repentance is truly a gift. I look at my life and I shudder sometimes at how horribly I fall short of worthiness to return to Heavenly Father. In so many ways I have not got it figured out. I struggle daily in my efforts to follow Christ even though I know I am happier and spiritually healthier when I do follow Him, and that life goes better when I am doing what I should.
Today we were to identify a sin we wanted to repent of, write it on a small piece of paper, and enclose it in an ornament we could hang on the Christmas tree. In addition to the sin, we were to include ways the Savior can help us accomplish our goal of repenting. I won't share the sin I wrote down. I'm not emotionally prepared to go shouting my sins from the rooftops, especially as concerns the sin I wish to rid myself of.
Two scriptural passages to read today, D&C 64:1-11, and the story of Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah in Mosiah 27:1-28:9. In D&C the Lord says, "I . . . forgive sins unto those who confess their sins before me and ask forgiveness." Doesn't that seem so simple? Confess and be forgiven. If only it were that easy. I know that there must be some forsaking in there too, the giving up of that wrong we sometimes cling to. I know as regards my particular sin, I allow my perceptions and prejudices and largely my impatience play too great a role in my behavior. My sin is in regards to a member of my family, and I let my behavior sour my relationship with this person when, deep down, I really want there to be peace and harmony and love. Yet I seem unable to make the critical change in myself that will knit us closer together and make me better. Why don't I find that easier than it seems to be? Why do I continue to behave abominably? Why do I allow myself to sin when sinning only brings about, as Alma the younger describes in Mosiah 27 as "teh gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity?" I sometimes feel as if I am racked with eternal torment.
It occurred to me today that the rack was a horrible torture device upon which a person was tied at the hands and ankles and then pulled in opposite directions. Sometimes I think I am torturing myself and those I love with my sinful actions. I write that and it sounds like I am really doing awful things. I don't think I am, all the time at any rate. But too often I am weak and let frustration, fatigue, or something else control my behavior when I really want to act in love, kindness, and the spirit of Christ.
I want to repent, to be born again, to be redeemed of God. I want to be worthy to be called His daughter and to inherit the kingdom. Alma said, however, that he had to wade through "much tribulation, repenting nigh unto death" before the Lord snatched him from an everlasting burning. In truth, I am not sinning like Alma was, I'm not leading souls to their spiritual death. But I also don't feel justified in saying, "Well, I'm not as bad as he was/is. I'm better than that." I am still imperfect; there is much room for improvement.
So today I put my sin in the ornament, and I am going to pray for forgiveness and help for improvement. And I'm going to remember that forgiveness brings joy and light. Like Lamoni's father, I want to give away all my sins to know God that I might be raised from the dead and be saved at the last day (Alma 22:18).
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Twelve Days of Coming Unto Christ--Day 3
Day Three: Come unto Christ by REMEMBERING Him.
Today's scriptures to read were the sacrament prayers. In each we covenant to "always remember Him." As I thought today about remembering Christ, I thought about one of the Primary program songs we sang this year, "If the Savior Stood Beside Me." Here are the words:
If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do?
Would I think of His commandments and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example? Would I live more righteously
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?
If the Savior stood beside me, would I say the things I say?
Would my words be true and kind if He were never far away?
Would I try to share the gospel? Would I speak more reverently
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?
He is always near me, though I do not see Him there,
And because He loves me dearly I am in His watchful care.
So I'll be the kind of person that I know I'd like to be
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me.
This is a powerful song to me. When I am angry at the children or short tempered with Kent, if I am thinking ill of someone or being unkind in any way, the words of this song will come into my head. I will realize that I am not remembering Christ, that I am not living as if he were standing nigh.
We were given a bell today to put in a pocket or purse and then use it to remind us to keep the Savior in our thoughts. I tied it to my belt loop and enjoyed its tinkling sound throughout the day. I thought about it as Blythe demanded my help and attention as she wanted me to play a game with her, feed her, and read to her when I really wanted to be working on a photo book for Christmas. And I thought about the Savior when the children were driving me crazy as they ran around while I was trying to prepare dinner. It helped me be calmer, steadier, patienter.
The last activity suggestion was to gather as a family around the Christmas tree for a testimony meeting. Each person could have a candle which they could light as they bore their testimony. This was a bit much for my crew, but I did have us gather and then I asked everyone to share one thing they could do that would help them remember the Savior and act more like Him. Here is what each one shared.
Brandt said, "We can do good things. We can sing songs about Jesus."
Blythe said, "We can help others."
Kent said, "We can visit people who are lonely."
Katherine said, "We can not look at others to judge, but to love."
Today's scriptures to read were the sacrament prayers. In each we covenant to "always remember Him." As I thought today about remembering Christ, I thought about one of the Primary program songs we sang this year, "If the Savior Stood Beside Me." Here are the words:
If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do?
Would I think of His commandments and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example? Would I live more righteously
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?
If the Savior stood beside me, would I say the things I say?
Would my words be true and kind if He were never far away?
Would I try to share the gospel? Would I speak more reverently
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?
He is always near me, though I do not see Him there,
And because He loves me dearly I am in His watchful care.
So I'll be the kind of person that I know I'd like to be
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me.
This is a powerful song to me. When I am angry at the children or short tempered with Kent, if I am thinking ill of someone or being unkind in any way, the words of this song will come into my head. I will realize that I am not remembering Christ, that I am not living as if he were standing nigh.
We were given a bell today to put in a pocket or purse and then use it to remind us to keep the Savior in our thoughts. I tied it to my belt loop and enjoyed its tinkling sound throughout the day. I thought about it as Blythe demanded my help and attention as she wanted me to play a game with her, feed her, and read to her when I really wanted to be working on a photo book for Christmas. And I thought about the Savior when the children were driving me crazy as they ran around while I was trying to prepare dinner. It helped me be calmer, steadier, patienter.
The last activity suggestion was to gather as a family around the Christmas tree for a testimony meeting. Each person could have a candle which they could light as they bore their testimony. This was a bit much for my crew, but I did have us gather and then I asked everyone to share one thing they could do that would help them remember the Savior and act more like Him. Here is what each one shared.
Brandt said, "We can do good things. We can sing songs about Jesus."
Blythe said, "We can help others."
Kent said, "We can visit people who are lonely."
Katherine said, "We can not look at others to judge, but to love."
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Twelve Days of Coming Unto Christ--Day 2
Today's way to come unto Christ was by showing gratitude. How often do I tell the Savior that I am grateful for all he does for me? Activity options for the day included saying a prayer and offering only thanks, reading three different scriptural passages, writing a thank you note to Jesus, and making a gratitude collage.
I found the selection of scriptural passages to be very interesting in the context of gratitude. The first passage was Luke 1:46-55. In this passage, Mary is describing the Savior, the man who will be her son. She describes him as "holy," "mighty," and "merciful," and then says that he has "exalted them of low degrees," "filled the hungry with good things." Not the first passage of scripture that comes to mind when I think of gratitude.
The next selection was from Alma 36:3-28. This is Alma the younger speaking to his son Helaman and describing his rebellion, vision, and miraculous conversion. This is such a moving story to me. Alma was going about the destruction of the church, but God, in his infinite mercy and understanding, knew that Alma had the potential to lead people to Christ rather than away from him, and He sent an angel to straighten him out. Alma says for three days he was "racked, even with the pains of a damned soul," his soul "harrowed up by the memory of [his] many sins." But then he remembers the words of his father (also a changed sinner) about the coming of Jesus Christ. He cries out to Christ for mercy and forgiveness, and the pain he feels is swept away. He can remember it no more. He bears testimony of the love and support he feels from Christ, and the sweetness of forgiveness. While not a passage of scripture about gratitude, Alma is certainly grateful for the joy and relief he feels, and I can bear testimony to having had a similar feeling following repentance. As I have tried to give up a particularly sinful behavior, I have felt relief and joy and tremendous gratitude for a loving Father who always gives me another chance.
The third scripture was 1 Samuel 1:11-2:21. This is the story of Hannah who desperately wants a child. She prays and vows to the Lord that if she can have a child, she will dedicate him to the Lord's service. She is "of a sorrowful spirit," until promised by the high priest that God will grant her petition. He does and she bears a son. She says, "My heart rejoiceth in the Lord." I love that phrase. I want my heart to rejoice in the Lord, too. I want to feel that same gratitude for all I have been blessed with. Hannah's sincere thanks lead the Lord to further bless her with three sons and two daughters. Following the frustration and distress of infertility, although it doesn't say as much, I am certain Hannah considered herself miraculously blessed indeed.
I know that as we express gratitude, the Lord will see fit to bless us more. I wrote Jesus a thank you note to be opened on Christmas eve, and I put it on the mantle amidst all the greenery. It wasn't there more than twenty minutes before Blythe brought it to me and said, "Mom, where did this note for Jesus come from? Why is it on the mantle?" I explained that I had written it, that it was a thank you note, and that she needed to put it back. "How will he read it when he isn't here?" she asked, with just a touch of teenage exasperation in her five-year-old voice. "Since Jesus can read the thoughts of our hearts," I said, "he can certainly read the words of my thank you card." She returned it to the mantle.
I did not make a gratitude collage, but I did do my Thanksgiving ABC a couple of weeks ago, and I consider that essentially the same thing. No pictures, but I was certainly thoughtful about it.
I found the selection of scriptural passages to be very interesting in the context of gratitude. The first passage was Luke 1:46-55. In this passage, Mary is describing the Savior, the man who will be her son. She describes him as "holy," "mighty," and "merciful," and then says that he has "exalted them of low degrees," "filled the hungry with good things." Not the first passage of scripture that comes to mind when I think of gratitude.
The next selection was from Alma 36:3-28. This is Alma the younger speaking to his son Helaman and describing his rebellion, vision, and miraculous conversion. This is such a moving story to me. Alma was going about the destruction of the church, but God, in his infinite mercy and understanding, knew that Alma had the potential to lead people to Christ rather than away from him, and He sent an angel to straighten him out. Alma says for three days he was "racked, even with the pains of a damned soul," his soul "harrowed up by the memory of [his] many sins." But then he remembers the words of his father (also a changed sinner) about the coming of Jesus Christ. He cries out to Christ for mercy and forgiveness, and the pain he feels is swept away. He can remember it no more. He bears testimony of the love and support he feels from Christ, and the sweetness of forgiveness. While not a passage of scripture about gratitude, Alma is certainly grateful for the joy and relief he feels, and I can bear testimony to having had a similar feeling following repentance. As I have tried to give up a particularly sinful behavior, I have felt relief and joy and tremendous gratitude for a loving Father who always gives me another chance.
The third scripture was 1 Samuel 1:11-2:21. This is the story of Hannah who desperately wants a child. She prays and vows to the Lord that if she can have a child, she will dedicate him to the Lord's service. She is "of a sorrowful spirit," until promised by the high priest that God will grant her petition. He does and she bears a son. She says, "My heart rejoiceth in the Lord." I love that phrase. I want my heart to rejoice in the Lord, too. I want to feel that same gratitude for all I have been blessed with. Hannah's sincere thanks lead the Lord to further bless her with three sons and two daughters. Following the frustration and distress of infertility, although it doesn't say as much, I am certain Hannah considered herself miraculously blessed indeed.
I know that as we express gratitude, the Lord will see fit to bless us more. I wrote Jesus a thank you note to be opened on Christmas eve, and I put it on the mantle amidst all the greenery. It wasn't there more than twenty minutes before Blythe brought it to me and said, "Mom, where did this note for Jesus come from? Why is it on the mantle?" I explained that I had written it, that it was a thank you note, and that she needed to put it back. "How will he read it when he isn't here?" she asked, with just a touch of teenage exasperation in her five-year-old voice. "Since Jesus can read the thoughts of our hearts," I said, "he can certainly read the words of my thank you card." She returned it to the mantle.
I did not make a gratitude collage, but I did do my Thanksgiving ABC a couple of weeks ago, and I consider that essentially the same thing. No pictures, but I was certainly thoughtful about it.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Twelve Days of Coming unto Christ--Day 1
I have a new calling in Young Women. I am the assistant Laurel adviser, in charge of personal progress. It is somewhat strange being back in Young Women after years away, and while I know the girls by name, I don't know very many of them very well. I have been to our weekday activity once, and to opening exercises once, although I didn't stay for class (I got to substitute as music chorister in Primary, my favorite calling EVER!).
On Sunday we were introduced to a special Christmas "project" for lack of a better word, the twelve days of coming unto Christ. Beginning today and for the following eleven days, we will get to open an envelope or a box which contains an activity that will help bring us closer to Christ. I am really rather delighted with this because I want my Christmas celebrating to be more Christ focused. And for some reason of late, I have been letting the children really irritate me, driving away the festive holiday spirit that should be a significant part of the month.
Each day there are several activities we can do--reading scriptures, writing something--designed to draw our focus towards Christ. Next Sunday, the day after day 12, we will have a special combined class and we will have the opportunity to share an experience we have or a significant something we have felt as we have worked through the twelve days. I was impressed today to record my impressions and thoughts here, on this blog, so I could refer back to it in the future.
Today was day one: Come unto Christ by increasing your KNOWLEDGE of Him. Included in today's envelope was a 26 question quiz, a sort of trivia game, about the Savior, and four other options. You could read or watch "The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles;" read Luke 2 as you sat near a nativity set and then think about Jesus' childhood; read in the New Testament a bit; ask a family member to tell you their favorite story about Jesus.
I am happy to report that I knew the answers to all 26 questions about Jesus.
I read "The Living Christ" again. I was impressed anew at Christ's willingness to come to Earth as a baby, and have a mortal experience just like everyone else's. Well, not just like everyone else's because he was perfect, but to give up all the power, might, and majesty he enjoyed at the right hand of God to be a baby and learn and grow just like we have to. I love the way Christ is described in this testimony: "Messiah," "creator, " "he entreated," "he taught," "he healed," "advocate." I think I especially like that last one. As an advocate, a representative, an agent for each of us, he is going to fight on our side, he's going to argue for us. Kent and I have been watching a program on PBS called Silk about a woman lawyer in England. She almost always is the lawyer for the defense, and she fights fiercely for her clients. She believes in them, in their innocence, and in their humanity, and she really goes to bat for them. Christ will do that for each of us, and I'm grateful that such a powerful being is on my team.
I read Luke 2 again. The part with the angel of the Lord and the shepherds and Mary keeping all things in her heart and pondering them I practically have memorized. It is the oft repeated Christmas story. But the latter part of the chapter has the less frequently mentioned stories of Anna and Simeon who were both old and blessed to see the Christ child before their deaths. Chapter 2 also includes the wonderful story of Jesus being inadvertently left behind in Jerusalem and found teaching in the temple. When he was twelve. I am amazed that even that early he knew who he was and what he needed to do. It seems a heavy burden to bear for a child, and an indication of how mature and thoughtful he must have been.
I think my book knowledge of Christ is good, I know the stories, I understand who he is, sort of like a famous person in history you can read up about. But I would like to know him better personally. I sometimes feel that I know Christ in the same way I know Brad Pitt; I know who he is, I know who he is involved with, I recognize him in a picture, but we haven't met and he doesn't know me. I realize, too, that the distance is of my own making and that if I want our relationship to change, it has to be me who makes the effort. Christ is there and available (very much unlike Brad Pitt), all I have to do is let him in.
I intended on asking the children what their favorite story about Jesus is, and I will still do that. They are in bed, so that will have to happen tomorrow. But my favorite story about Jesus is when he came to the Americas to visit the Nephites and Lamanites. When he gathers their children and blesses them, and angels descend upon them, and Jesus weeps because he is so moved, I weep too. That incredibly marvelous love moves me to tears pretty much every time I read it. I am always impressed, too, that Jesus ministers one on one almost all the time. When he fed the multitude, he was nourishing a large group, but for the most part, his interactions with people and their healing happened one on one, Christ doing his part and lovingly inviting someone to repent or be more faithful or more obedient. I long for that one on one interaction myself.
On Sunday we were introduced to a special Christmas "project" for lack of a better word, the twelve days of coming unto Christ. Beginning today and for the following eleven days, we will get to open an envelope or a box which contains an activity that will help bring us closer to Christ. I am really rather delighted with this because I want my Christmas celebrating to be more Christ focused. And for some reason of late, I have been letting the children really irritate me, driving away the festive holiday spirit that should be a significant part of the month.
Each day there are several activities we can do--reading scriptures, writing something--designed to draw our focus towards Christ. Next Sunday, the day after day 12, we will have a special combined class and we will have the opportunity to share an experience we have or a significant something we have felt as we have worked through the twelve days. I was impressed today to record my impressions and thoughts here, on this blog, so I could refer back to it in the future.
Today was day one: Come unto Christ by increasing your KNOWLEDGE of Him. Included in today's envelope was a 26 question quiz, a sort of trivia game, about the Savior, and four other options. You could read or watch "The Living Christ: The Testimony of the Apostles;" read Luke 2 as you sat near a nativity set and then think about Jesus' childhood; read in the New Testament a bit; ask a family member to tell you their favorite story about Jesus.
I am happy to report that I knew the answers to all 26 questions about Jesus.
I read "The Living Christ" again. I was impressed anew at Christ's willingness to come to Earth as a baby, and have a mortal experience just like everyone else's. Well, not just like everyone else's because he was perfect, but to give up all the power, might, and majesty he enjoyed at the right hand of God to be a baby and learn and grow just like we have to. I love the way Christ is described in this testimony: "Messiah," "creator, " "he entreated," "he taught," "he healed," "advocate." I think I especially like that last one. As an advocate, a representative, an agent for each of us, he is going to fight on our side, he's going to argue for us. Kent and I have been watching a program on PBS called Silk about a woman lawyer in England. She almost always is the lawyer for the defense, and she fights fiercely for her clients. She believes in them, in their innocence, and in their humanity, and she really goes to bat for them. Christ will do that for each of us, and I'm grateful that such a powerful being is on my team.
I read Luke 2 again. The part with the angel of the Lord and the shepherds and Mary keeping all things in her heart and pondering them I practically have memorized. It is the oft repeated Christmas story. But the latter part of the chapter has the less frequently mentioned stories of Anna and Simeon who were both old and blessed to see the Christ child before their deaths. Chapter 2 also includes the wonderful story of Jesus being inadvertently left behind in Jerusalem and found teaching in the temple. When he was twelve. I am amazed that even that early he knew who he was and what he needed to do. It seems a heavy burden to bear for a child, and an indication of how mature and thoughtful he must have been.
I think my book knowledge of Christ is good, I know the stories, I understand who he is, sort of like a famous person in history you can read up about. But I would like to know him better personally. I sometimes feel that I know Christ in the same way I know Brad Pitt; I know who he is, I know who he is involved with, I recognize him in a picture, but we haven't met and he doesn't know me. I realize, too, that the distance is of my own making and that if I want our relationship to change, it has to be me who makes the effort. Christ is there and available (very much unlike Brad Pitt), all I have to do is let him in.
I intended on asking the children what their favorite story about Jesus is, and I will still do that. They are in bed, so that will have to happen tomorrow. But my favorite story about Jesus is when he came to the Americas to visit the Nephites and Lamanites. When he gathers their children and blesses them, and angels descend upon them, and Jesus weeps because he is so moved, I weep too. That incredibly marvelous love moves me to tears pretty much every time I read it. I am always impressed, too, that Jesus ministers one on one almost all the time. When he fed the multitude, he was nourishing a large group, but for the most part, his interactions with people and their healing happened one on one, Christ doing his part and lovingly inviting someone to repent or be more faithful or more obedient. I long for that one on one interaction myself.
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