Come unto Christ by using the gift of REPENTANCE.
Repentance is truly a gift. I look at my life and I shudder sometimes at how horribly I fall short of worthiness to return to Heavenly Father. In so many ways I have not got it figured out. I struggle daily in my efforts to follow Christ even though I know I am happier and spiritually healthier when I do follow Him, and that life goes better when I am doing what I should.
Today we were to identify a sin we wanted to repent of, write it on a small piece of paper, and enclose it in an ornament we could hang on the Christmas tree. In addition to the sin, we were to include ways the Savior can help us accomplish our goal of repenting. I won't share the sin I wrote down. I'm not emotionally prepared to go shouting my sins from the rooftops, especially as concerns the sin I wish to rid myself of.
Two scriptural passages to read today, D&C 64:1-11, and the story of Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah in Mosiah 27:1-28:9. In D&C the Lord says, "I . . . forgive sins unto those who confess their sins before me and ask forgiveness." Doesn't that seem so simple? Confess and be forgiven. If only it were that easy. I know that there must be some forsaking in there too, the giving up of that wrong we sometimes cling to. I know as regards my particular sin, I allow my perceptions and prejudices and largely my impatience play too great a role in my behavior. My sin is in regards to a member of my family, and I let my behavior sour my relationship with this person when, deep down, I really want there to be peace and harmony and love. Yet I seem unable to make the critical change in myself that will knit us closer together and make me better. Why don't I find that easier than it seems to be? Why do I continue to behave abominably? Why do I allow myself to sin when sinning only brings about, as Alma the younger describes in Mosiah 27 as "teh gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity?" I sometimes feel as if I am racked with eternal torment.
It occurred to me today that the rack was a horrible torture device upon which a person was tied at the hands and ankles and then pulled in opposite directions. Sometimes I think I am torturing myself and those I love with my sinful actions. I write that and it sounds like I am really doing awful things. I don't think I am, all the time at any rate. But too often I am weak and let frustration, fatigue, or something else control my behavior when I really want to act in love, kindness, and the spirit of Christ.
I want to repent, to be born again, to be redeemed of God. I want to be worthy to be called His daughter and to inherit the kingdom. Alma said, however, that he had to wade through "much tribulation, repenting nigh unto death" before the Lord snatched him from an everlasting burning. In truth, I am not sinning like Alma was, I'm not leading souls to their spiritual death. But I also don't feel justified in saying, "Well, I'm not as bad as he was/is. I'm better than that." I am still imperfect; there is much room for improvement.
So today I put my sin in the ornament, and I am going to pray for forgiveness and help for improvement. And I'm going to remember that forgiveness brings joy and light. Like Lamoni's father, I want to give away all my sins to know God that I might be raised from the dead and be saved at the last day (Alma 22:18).
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