Parents

Do you remember the moment you realized your parents were people?  You know what I mean?  That sudden realization I suppose most of us have that our parents had a life before they were parents, and that they probably still have a life apart from parenting?  I don't remember when it hit me, but it struck me again this week as I reflected on Grandma Hare's life.

Grandma had a tough start, losing her father when she was two and watching her mom struggle to support their family.  She was a young person with hopes and dreams, some of which I imagine were realized, and some I'm sure were not.  She was a young mother with a husband who was shot down during the war and wondered if he would ever come home.  She worked, divorced, traveled, met interesting people, and eventually moved to Utah to be with family.  I only ever knew her as Grandma, but I know she was so much more.

And with her loss, I think about my own mom who has just lost her mom.  While it is a blessing that Grandma was able to finally leave her frail body and return to the presence of Heavenly Father, there is a finality in her passing.  My mom no longer has access to her mom.  We all need our moms.  I know my mom feels a loss as I do, but hers is certainly deeper.  I have felt for her more deeply too.  I'm certainly not explaining this very eloquently, but I suppose I am again realizing my mom is a person, and right now, she is a person who is mourning.

Coming to parenthood late as I did, I sometimes palpably feel the loss of my pre-parent life.  My time was my own, my life was my own, and I liked it.  I was happy being with my husband and enjoyed many activities I have had to either curtail or give up entirely because they don't fit into my parenting life.  I guess that is one of the many sacrifices we make when we decide to parent, and I suppose it is a sacrifice that brings with it many blessings that wouldn't be apparent and available to us without parenting.  At the same time, I want to be more than Brandt and Blythe's mom; I still want to be Katherine.  I'm working on being a parent and being a person.