On Being a Mom

I'm having a bad mom day.  Not bad, just frustrating.  I continue to struggle with Blythe and potty training.  She will pee no problem, but nothing else.  We end up battling about sitting on the toilet, and I know that isn't going to help.  I have encouraged and cheered and praised and rewarded and made promises of instant gratification, all to no avail.  And I'm tired, already, of the almost constant conflict I experience with my daughter.  I look forward another fifteen years and I cringe at the thought of all those years of fighting.  I need to do something different.

And while I've been dealing with Blythe and pee, I came upstairs this afternoon to find that Brandt, my five year old Brandt, had peed on the floor.  ARGH!!!!!!  When I asked him why he had peed on the floor, he said, "I don't know where the toilet is."  I wanted to give him a whirly in the toilet, just to refresh his memory.  Instead, I went downstairs to have a moment to myself before gathering carpet cleaning equipment and taking care of his mess.

I went back downstairs to change over laundry, and then returned upstairs to find that all the bedding from my bed had been stripped and thrown on the floor, again.  I found myself near tears.  Maybe I'm hormonal, but maybe I'm not.  I don't know, and I don't care.  I want it to be easier somehow.  I don't want to feel like I am the Barrus Family entertainment committee.  I don't want my children to be destructive just because we're not out having a good time doing some exciting activity.  I can't keep that up every day, and there are things I have to do here at home, like laundry.  I'm sad because we aren't finding a house to buy that meets our needs, in spite of our continued efforts.  We have made both a first offer on one house and a backup offer on another, and it doesn't look like we'll get either.  I would like a yard the children can romp around in, but we can't find a house attached to a yard that we like.

Kent has remonstrated me numerous times over the past couple months about my attitude and outlook.  In his eyes, I am not happy and not seeing all the myriad ways we are blessed.  I know we are blessed, I know I need to adjust my attitude, and I know that life isn't supposed to be easy.  I need to learn and grow in my challenges, especially when those challenges come in small, energetic packages.  And I need to more readily embrace all that life has to offer, especially when so many others are in circumstances far worse than my own.

But I sure wish it were a bit easier.